If you scroll down this page, you'll find various resources and links
to help improve your marriage in a biblical way...
or to help you train your children to view marriage in a biblical manner.
Marriage ~ God's Way
Elmer and I were married when we were almost 27 years old. We'd each lived on our own for about eight years, in our own apartments or houses or college dorm rooms. Combining two households was a lot of fun (really!) after we married. We took a week off after our wedding for our honeymoon, and we spent the second week writing all of our thank you notes for our wedding gifts, combining household furniture and kitchen items, and sorting through what we no longer needed, like two toasters, or two pasta spoons, or two can openers...you get the idea. We're both pretty organized, and we knew that life would get really busy once we went back to work, so we decided to get those things out of the way while taking some time off together.
Life has brought a few turns and twists into our lives, but not many. Our marriage still stands strong all of these years later, I think, because we follow a few specific guidelines:
1. We rarely use the words "always" or "never". If I'm angry at Elmer, it would be a lie to say to him, "You NEVER remember to clean up the bathroom sink after yourself," because sometimes, he does think of it. In fact, sometimes, he even will clean up the entire bathroom, just because he wanted to - or to surprise me with doing something kind when I get behind on household cleaning.
2. Never go to sleep at night being angry at each other. We have three choices each and every night when we "call it a night":
Choice #1: I can choose to be angry at Elmer - just really ticked off. That usually means that I don't sleep very well, and I wake up with a headache...and a heartache.
Choice #2: He may be very tired and not willing to resolve the problem that we've been having that day, so I can just choose to no longer dwell on my emotions about this problem. I pray, give the problem over to God, and ask the Lord to help both of us wake up with hearts full of willingness to work together as a team.
Choice #3: We can work out the communications issues we've been having, and say goodnight with a heartfelt hug and kiss. Thankfully, most of the time we have both chosen option #3. The Lord is faithful when we obey Him!
3. We don't hold grudges. I don't know how God put together two people who don't hold grudges, but we just don't. When we become upset or discouraged with each other, we have our say (usually just a few sentences), and we leave it at that. We don't bring up past problems or issues that have happened during our years of marriage. Elmer has never brought up past wrongs that I've done, and I don't remember ever doing that to him. It's just not biblical!
4. We try hard to not have unrealistic expectations for each other. I say that we try hard, because that's our goal. We don't always succeed in this area, but we work on it. He gets overly tired, due to stress at work and maybe not sleeping so well at night, so I don't expect him to always come home with a big smile or be willing to hold lengthy conversations with me each night. While I love to cook and bake, I don't always prepare gourmet meals each and every night. Sometimes, we have hot dogs (healthy variety, though!) or I've defrosted some homemade soup from the freezer. Sometimes, I'd rather stay home and hop over here on my blog than to go fishing with him. He doesn't expect me to come along for every thing he wants to do, nor do I expect him to come shopping for clothes with me. (Why do some wives want their hubbies to go shopping at the mall with them? I mean, come on!!!)
5. Our marital success doesn't revolve around us needing to regularly go out for date nights, mini-vacations, etc. as a married couple. Sure, we'd love to go out together, often, and alone, leaving the girls at home, and a mini-vacation away for the weekend would be so much fun! However, we are committed to sticking to our entertainment budget and not going over the amount we've allotted for eating out and going to do something fun. This means that when we do go out together, we almost always bring along the girls. We love being together as a family, and doing fun things together. Elmer and I will have many married years together, Lord willing, after the girls are grown up and gone. For centuries, married couples have had marriages which thrived despite having limited time to themselves away from their children. It wasn't until around 60 years ago when it became possible for the average couple to go on far-away vacations and trips. We love when we are able to do this, but it isn't frequent. Walks in the park together, going for a Sunday afternoon drive, or working together outside doing yardwork can also provide times to connect, without costing a penny.
Life has brought a few turns and twists into our lives, but not many. Our marriage still stands strong all of these years later, I think, because we follow a few specific guidelines:
1. We rarely use the words "always" or "never". If I'm angry at Elmer, it would be a lie to say to him, "You NEVER remember to clean up the bathroom sink after yourself," because sometimes, he does think of it. In fact, sometimes, he even will clean up the entire bathroom, just because he wanted to - or to surprise me with doing something kind when I get behind on household cleaning.
2. Never go to sleep at night being angry at each other. We have three choices each and every night when we "call it a night":
Choice #1: I can choose to be angry at Elmer - just really ticked off. That usually means that I don't sleep very well, and I wake up with a headache...and a heartache.
Choice #2: He may be very tired and not willing to resolve the problem that we've been having that day, so I can just choose to no longer dwell on my emotions about this problem. I pray, give the problem over to God, and ask the Lord to help both of us wake up with hearts full of willingness to work together as a team.
Choice #3: We can work out the communications issues we've been having, and say goodnight with a heartfelt hug and kiss. Thankfully, most of the time we have both chosen option #3. The Lord is faithful when we obey Him!
3. We don't hold grudges. I don't know how God put together two people who don't hold grudges, but we just don't. When we become upset or discouraged with each other, we have our say (usually just a few sentences), and we leave it at that. We don't bring up past problems or issues that have happened during our years of marriage. Elmer has never brought up past wrongs that I've done, and I don't remember ever doing that to him. It's just not biblical!
4. We try hard to not have unrealistic expectations for each other. I say that we try hard, because that's our goal. We don't always succeed in this area, but we work on it. He gets overly tired, due to stress at work and maybe not sleeping so well at night, so I don't expect him to always come home with a big smile or be willing to hold lengthy conversations with me each night. While I love to cook and bake, I don't always prepare gourmet meals each and every night. Sometimes, we have hot dogs (healthy variety, though!) or I've defrosted some homemade soup from the freezer. Sometimes, I'd rather stay home and hop over here on my blog than to go fishing with him. He doesn't expect me to come along for every thing he wants to do, nor do I expect him to come shopping for clothes with me. (Why do some wives want their hubbies to go shopping at the mall with them? I mean, come on!!!)
5. Our marital success doesn't revolve around us needing to regularly go out for date nights, mini-vacations, etc. as a married couple. Sure, we'd love to go out together, often, and alone, leaving the girls at home, and a mini-vacation away for the weekend would be so much fun! However, we are committed to sticking to our entertainment budget and not going over the amount we've allotted for eating out and going to do something fun. This means that when we do go out together, we almost always bring along the girls. We love being together as a family, and doing fun things together. Elmer and I will have many married years together, Lord willing, after the girls are grown up and gone. For centuries, married couples have had marriages which thrived despite having limited time to themselves away from their children. It wasn't until around 60 years ago when it became possible for the average couple to go on far-away vacations and trips. We love when we are able to do this, but it isn't frequent. Walks in the park together, going for a Sunday afternoon drive, or working together outside doing yardwork can also provide times to connect, without costing a penny.
As I think of more guidelines we follow in our marriage, I'll post them here for you!
Here are some great, biblical resources
for developing a godly marriage:
 "Encouraging Moments" e-newsletter from Eternal Encouragement magazine
(Click on the "Encouraging Moments" banner, above, to learn more about how I use and like this e-newsletter.) |
 What He Must Be...
if He Wants to Marry My Daughter, by Voddie Baucham Jr. |
