12-Step program for enabling a berry picker
1. Never pick alone. If the urge strikes, call a friend.
2. Do not listen to negative talk about berry picking.
3. Remind others that berries are very high in antioxidants and you will be less likely to develop Alzheimer’s later in life and forget your own children, even if you do tend to forget about them now while you are picking.
4. Berry relief is very good for PMS (Permanent Mother Screaming). Who wants to run the risk of being trapped in a house for eight months with a woman who missed berry picking season?
5. Threaten to withhold any berries or products of to anyone who is negative or critical of your berry picking.
6. Always take just the right amount of buckets with you for the time you are allowed to pick. If you take 10 buckets, you will feel obligated to fill them all, and this is unfortunate if you have only a few hours.
7. Resist the temptation to stop “just to pick a few berries,” especially if you are on your way to an important event like the church potluck and you are bringing the main dish. Sure, a few berries would add just the right touch to your dish, but will the potluck wait until midnight?
8. If you confront a bear while picking berries, do not contest the bear but do stand your ground. That way, it will be easier for the searchers to find your remains after the bear eats you.
9. Never resort to buying store bought jams and jellies after your supply has run out.
10. Set a time limit for your berry picking. If there are a few berries, you will be there for a while. If there are a lot of berries, you will be there for quite a while.
11. Remember, berry picking is innate and very basic to a woman’s instincts. It goes clear back to the hunter-gatherer days.
12. Lastly, share your berry products with family members at Christmas. It makes a great gift and gives you a good excuse to pick next year.
Read more: Fairbanks Daily News-Miner - With berry season under way 12 step program to enable pickers
Originally developed by Tally Welch from LaGrande, Ore
Hi! I'm Julieanne!